I am at that point in my life with an issue that has long been my Achilles Heel. Self-control is not my forte, and it rears its' ugly head over many areas of my life. Today I realized that I am sick and tired of it, and at the same moment, realized that's not a thing I can do about it. Don't think me pessimistic! Believe me, I've tried "fixing" myself and I do an amazing job - for about 24 hours. Then, of course, my real self comes back into the picture, sides splitting from laughter as my confidence is shattered. I know the answer, of course, but it takes a while to get to the place where I'm willing to say out loud what that answer is.
Well folks, I'm there. There are SO many areas in my life that I see my lack of self-control, but I can't tackle them all at once, and if I am able to give this issue to God, I can see how they'd slowly come under His grace.
I am committing, starting tomorrow, to take 30 days to give this to God. Each and every day, I am doing a specific thing that will force me to make a choice: either deny myself or indulge, no middle ground. My prayer before Holy God is that He will give me mercy, that He will see my heart in this, and would answer my cry to Him. I know that HIS power is perfected in my weakness, and I'm so far beyond weak...it's laughable. I'm ignoring the million and a half things I want to fix in my life and focusing on giving Him the source of it all.
I will be using this page to make a sort of journal over the next 30 days. In addition, I'll be praying for my sister in the Lord, Kelly, as she commits to giving the same issue to God. We are going to be accountability partners and prayer partners in this.
So I am committing to the Lord:
...my self-indulgence in the specific area of food
...to have quiet time each and every day
...to not tell anyone, not because I'm ashamed, but because doing so distracts me from focusing on the Lord.
I am so thankful that I serve a God who understands and can sympathize with my struggle, and that I can draw near to His throne of Grace with confidence, in this, my time of need. I am thankful that He is perfecting His work in me (not perfecting me!) because He loves me, and I'm thankful that He promised His love would never leave me, that it is not conditional.
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April 15 - Day 1
Ugh, today was HARD! I am happy though because started my day in the Lord, and it made a big difference. I'm exhausted from foolishly staying up WAY too late last night, but despite that, I was able to have a successful day and ALL the credit goes to God.
Weight Watchers went well. I went 8 points over, and by that I mean used my extra points, but it was a calculated decision that I thought about for at least an hour, not an impulsive "cram it in my face now" decision. That is the sort of thing I want to work through, and I know God was faithful to help me.
The verse I focused on today was from 2 Corinthians (10:13), and it really spoke to me because it said that we can never be TEMPTED beyond what we can bear. I know that is often misquoted as saying God will never give us more than we can bear, but the correct term is tempted. Not only will he put us in a place of temptation that we can't handle, he always provides a way out. That really struck me - it was an absolute statement; God will provide a way of escape, with the temptation, so that we will be able to endure. To endure means something will be permanent, lasting, patient and long suffering. God promised those things to me when I resist temptation and use the escape hatch. Pretty amazing to realize, even though I've read that verse before.
So, off to Day 2, which is usually much harder than Day 1. My only goal is to have my quiet time in the morning, and stay safe and within the boundaries of the Weight Watchers plan...and I know I'm gonna need God's help to do both!
Jenn
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